Nostalgia of future

In search of meaning of Life, in search of meaning of Love, I wander insanely in this endless journey.

It’s just one name, that I hear every where…  in every beat… every step…  screaming in my ears !

In search of the real, unreal, to understand it and to follow it. Is to understand the real, is to understand the Unreal? To focus on one thing .. to believe in some thing… to follow some thing… to gratify something.

We want something for the sake of something else. All we want is unreal, for the sake of something unreal. Is the ultimate reality, just the voice with in yourself?? Or just the vision within yourself ??

Is being somewhere at some time reality to us? It might be unreal to someone in some other place Or unreal to us in some other time.

Is , all that we perceive real and all that we can’t/wont perceive unreal??

What is the difference between Nostalgia and déjàvu in the exact sense? Aren’t they both, our pre-notioned beliefs??

Neo: You ever have that feeling where you’re not sure if you’re awake or still dreaming?    -The Matrix

How different is memory from imagination?We imagine abt events, to happen in certain fashion… and we imagine/anticipate others not to happen in some other way..

Memories dont exist for real.They are any unneeded consumeristic  product, advertised and bought by ourselves.There are no unconditional or unbiased memories… They are all… the way WE see them… the way we want to see them..

Memories are not colour, but black n White photographs  in our minds.. blacking out the things we don’t /cant see…while we look at wat we WANT to see.

All past is unreal unless we forcefully believe in it .. (Yes … it happened .. ! right? )Or told to believe in it… We were told abt our parents and childhood by someone..It is true until someone disproves it by mere words or things which might be untrue again. U never know. U cant be sure of so many things.. may be every thing. There is no reason or belief, only a CHOICE.

Dejavu is the proof that our past/memories are just a pre-notioned beliefs… Memory is no good than an imagination, when U worry abt whether it happened for Real or not.Past is only an approved imagination, while déjàvu isn’t approved by people around us.

I have no clue abt my past.. and i have no clue abt my future.. My work… my career… my death… MY DEATH! … Wat is that, we have to lose in here?? We fear abt losing our past sad moments and the future happy ones…  Present doesn’t divide Past and future… It divides sorrow and happiness…yet it is emotionally devoid of both. There is more sorrow in the past than we can imagine in the future… there is more happiness and enthusiasm in the future, than we can remember in the past.

Every second that’s gone is, nothing more than an imagination of, every second that is yet to come.


Million dollar Moments..

If “Million dollar Baby” is just a movie, I wud have watched it back to back… I guess, for me, it doesnt fit in the “Movie”  category. (Even if I wanted to watch it again, The moment was already gone with my be-wilderness, after the movie’s ending).

The movie has lot more than to it.

Life exists, only when we stretch  the rational purpose of any thing.

Evry thing comes to Life , when we do more than ‘just that’.

When I clean my bike more than  “just cleaning” it … I live.

When I relish my food more than “just eating” it.. I live a few more moments.

When I hear a song or see a movie more than “just watching” it… I wud be still alive.

I understand that, Cint Eastwood has just done that. He dint “just make” a movie. He gave it a  ‘Life’ ! I’m quite sure, it lives in the memories and observations of countless people.

Some time back, after watching ‘Invictus’, I thought, Eastwood was a Great director. After “Here after”.. his genre amazed me.

Then “Mystic River” happened  …I still remember wat it has left me with… and  frankly, I still can’t completely  believe tat, Eastwood had made it…”Changeling” left me dumbstruck … with the depth n intensity of the story n the characters.

A person who was a charismatic  actor during his youth, now a  3 time Oscar winning director,Producer,mutilple time Oscar nominee Actor,Composer. I try in vain, connecting the dots of Eastwood,excelling in  most of the crafts.

Now after watching “ Million Dollar Baby” …Huh !

Let me take no more Time or Words, to call him ‘God’.. It might seem to be over exaggerating, but frankly,I  still feel bad,If tat is all ..I cud ever call him, in the sphere of my tangible possibilities. His stories leave me, shattering and some times in tranquility.They puzzle me if, Life is peaceful or Death is scary.I guess, both have thier own proportions.

Being a sports genre … I have had doubts, abt the Movie being distinct, to the others in the same league, but Million Dollar baby outclasses and puts itself in a league of its own.

It is difficult, I must admit… to explain or try to put in Words.. abt wat U feel inside, when U connect Ur self to some thing more than Good .. more than Real…

It wud be foolish, definitely,  trying to search for a message in the movie.. The acts of the characters … trying to draw a line  between them,  to name them Good or Bad.What we interpret might not be thier  argument.

There is always more than to the eye, and that alone,  is the Beauty in Life, if there is any.

A Song is never sung or heard,

A Story is never written or read,

A Movie never directed or watched,

There is no Creator nor an audience for Art, it always exists in the Mind connected to it.

Art is the only Entity that can ever exist in this world.. In our lives, emotions, every deed and… even in death.It is in the trivial and in the Supreme.

U can never share it.. nor own it…

U can never be greedy for it nor Can ever get, enough of it.

In all our endless moments of our lives, We witness Art … We see ourselves through it .. in all its forms, all ‘Our’ forms.

The running race we are all in, is wat we see through Art,  all the shapes we transform into.

Our ethics, morals, happiness, tears… Our reasons , responsibilities, our beliefs , doubts…Every thing is an irreplaceable brick in our souls.

We all do have Million bricks in us and this is One of the Million stories, the Movie shares with me.

P.S : It wud be superfluous to talk abt the performances of Clint EastwoodHilary Swank, and Morgan Freeman.More than the boxing matches in the movie, I enjoyed watching the trio, competing with each other.

Unborn Mind ?

A book or a film is never a guide …. It isn’t a manual which tells us What to do or How to do something. I don’t see much difference between a book, a song or a color .I don’t understand when ppl say tat they don’t like a person, or they don like to watch movies.

I see a book, art, painting or a person just as…. a potential of infinite beauty… It’s a boat on the shore of the most beautiful lake . It’s all up to us… what do we do with it..  Jump on to it and take a ride or leave it there.

It is the ‘most precious’ one. An object of our own self, waiting to be touched.Its  a candle to lighten up, the unopened shelves of our soul. I won’t guarantee that the ride wud leave us all smiling…  it brings us fears , hope ,happiness…but, all of that was there already in us… it’s our very own ‘self’… if we don’t feel our ‘self’ , What more do we have  to do in here?

Everything…. Every single thing in this world is Art. So beautiful that, it is  just waiting for that perfect moment to take birth. Beauty is born in our mind. We give it a life and nurture it.

There can’t be a dull or in-understandable thing. It’s all us. It’s all our mind.

It’s us who give it a meaning. When we say we agree or disagree to an idea, we give it a meaning and shape.

When we think abt Sea, It is very serene. But sometimes,  It blows us off with its silence. It scares us with its silence… n we understand these words and relate to them… ”Scaring silence”… But silence is serene…. Then how did we agree, n relate silence with fear … and saw beauty in the “Scary silence” of the sea?

There’s is no reason in this world. It exists only in the mind. We give an equally fitting reason for doing something or not doing it. We have religious-tolerance, career-tolerance and at last… thought-tolerance. We can jus agree or disagree to anything at any time.

We call it “Our World”. That’s the way the world is…Isn’t it? >-)

Mind is just a mental machine … Group of thoughts hovering here and there… when we try to relate or connect them, with all our reasons and explanations…… thoughts are brought to life. We feel alive. We accomplish something. It’s great for some ppl… nothing for some… cruel for some or  boring for some.

People give us,  and to our accomplishment, a meaning … We give a concern, meaning, shape to their reasoning … They react to our reaction and it’s endless … Just goes on…

I can’t believe in any belief (?).  If mind is controlling us, our actions and our thoughts … Why don’t we see the insanity, when sum one tells us to control our mind? If sum thing else can control it… what s it? Shouldn’t that be controlled again?

Enough of bull shitting !

I want to laugh hysterically when I hear the words ”Hope” and “Move on” with equal prominence.

Ppl are nodding their heads to “Hope”.

Ppl are nodding their heads to “Move on”.

Isn’t us who give them a meaning? Don’t we rape our mind and beget “Hope”!!!!!…. Don’t we destroy it and bury our very own child (hope) in the sands of ‘reality’ ? But our children aren’t dead.

when some one gives me  a flower.. a beautiful flower… I am  glad and happy. I love it … but I see the child’s smile in that. When I ask them where was the flower from. They point to the sand, where I buried my Hope…. my child.

Can love blossom over buried hopes?

What the heck do we need in this life?

Career?  Money? Fame? Or Accomplishments? What do we need…? Or do we NEED jus Peace of mind? More desires, more needs.

What we desire is what we think , we need to desire.

What we need is what we think , we desire to need.

To live. To exist. To pass on… To justify the glory of our own life… if we lead a simpler life… to justify the glory of simplicity…

Life will always be a struggle …. Struggle to be great… Struggle to be simple.

I’m angry  at this moment…

Angry at what I know… which tells me what I need to know… which, after knowing, tells me….that the only reason for knowing is to be angry….Later I realize that I shouldn’t be angry n then, I realize that I can’t be angry… It’s all a mind game to be angry, to love , to live.

I jus want to break through my mind and ask it….  what it really wants?  (Who’s asking my mind?)

When a thought arises in the mind… Whose is that? Does it really belong to me?  My precious had asked us ,why we are happy when it rains?

I wanted to sing about it… even wanted to write a poem about it… Here I am thinking about it.

The first joy of rain was felt when we were young and sang those little rhymes . No wonder why most of us recollect them, when it rains. Later rain became a reason to bunk schools n to play with paper boats :). Even now I see little children looking innocently into the cloudy sky with a melancholic smile.

A child can always teach an adult three things: to be happy for no reason, to always be busy with something, and to know how to demand with all his might that which he desires. – Paulo Coelho

Rain is always a best friend to a child .It is their reason to be crazily happy. When the first drop of rain touches a child’s face, nothing on Earth can describe their joy .I think the only difference between a child and an adult is that, a child always finds a reason to be happy. As a matter of fact ,true happiness doesn’t need bigger reasons. For me, Rain will always be one.

It reminds me of a scene in “At first sight”…where Virgil (A blind guy) talks about rain. He says that rain becomes his vision .The smell of the mud, echo of rain drop in the room ,sound of wind blowing across trees… All these let him feel the mud, the room, trees n lot of things.

I think that rain makes us feel our own self. The drops running through your hair ,face and spine…  And as rain drenches us, we feel ourselves completely !.

As Richard Linklater says The only mystery in this world is in the space between people.

Yes ,its just the space .Its up to us ,what we make out of this space .Let it be a handshake or a slap or a kiss or an unexplainable touch of your loved one or a hug to an inconsolable person .The mystery is all in the space between us.

I believe that rain unifies this space. It fills our vision and ‘our world’ with water to feel, thunders to hear and pouring clouds to see. We feel as if the whole world is raining and every one experiencing it. If we think about what makes us happy… It would be an idea of an unified soul. That is the reason why people are happy at large congregations, massive weddings or packed stadiums. What makes us happy is the idea of one soul reverberating in every one around us !!!.

Rain is a symbolism for unconditional love. It just pours and gives us happiness with out any expectations . We cant give it anything, and more than that, it cant take anything !! 🙂 .That’s the beauty of nature and the universe .If we had to learn something about life … who else wud be the best teacher other than nature?

Rainbow wud one of the best things about nature .Who else could coronate Earth other than Rain? And what else would be better than a Rainbow? I look at it  as crown for  every  man who lives HOW A MAN SHOULD LIVE .

It enlightens us that, what we see with our eyes is not actually, what it is .Who can put it more beautifully than rain that, light, the essence of life, is not just plain or lackluster .We just see the Seven colors through a Rainbow, but it is just a speck of splendidness !.Like wise, Life is not what we see or even understand what it is .It is beyond human comprehension.

Rain is no exception to be a Paradox .It brings joy to some and sorrow to others .There is no point to judge it ,we can only experience and believe in it .They say that some people love to walk in rain so that we cant see their tears .I don’t know if their sadness brings the rain or the rain brings their sadness .If they are sad, Rain becomes a pat on their shoulder ,If they are not, Rain rhythms with the dance of their happiness.Happiness is always in us,it’s up to us to feel it or not.Its just a choice made by an awakened soul.

I see a pouring rain n I don’t see many people outside… May be we think that enjoying the rain is insane or silly :).May be it’s good for me .I get to see people ,in this world,who LIVE and don’t just EXIST.

Every one getting wet in the rain has a story to tell and I’d listen to their story as it rains .When the rain is gone, part of our soul gets hidden or disappeared .



The story is not yet over, because It will Rain again ! n  I’ll be out in the ‘world’  again !.


Dream is the last resort for every one.It makes us happy,sad,scary.
It is our own world. The true nature of self is in the dream.If man has to live by his soul,Why not dream every moment?
I think ,happiness lies in the pursuit of making a dream into reality, and
to be able to unite what we see with our eyes open n what we see with our eyes closed

I dreamt of you,
U looked all the way new.
I dreamt of you,
My worries became few
The thought of your eyes,
Oh ! My heart pounding grows
U blossomed a smile,
The flowers bloomed a mile.
When u r along,
I wonder to which world I belong
Donno if this is love,
Don wanna care abt any thing now.

Leader-The Need of the Hour

Its been a while in Telugu cinema ,since a movie with social message has seen light ,and here comes Sekhar kammula to enchant us.People say that  his movie is as soothing as  a cool breeze.Well known for his simple, serene and heart-touching films,this time,the National award winner comes up with some food-to-thought work, to rescue us from the junk food(read movies)  🙂 !!!.

“Leader” gives us a good insight of Indian politics. It tries to get us out of the  classic Corrupted-India labyrinth .It also puts us to shame abt the simplest things that we couldn’t achieve in Sixty years of Democracy(hah !! who cares,We are like thhisss only !!).

The most intriguing part abt Sekhar is the Logic of his script.There r no dreamy heroines or super-heroic heroes and most of all ,thanks to him ,there r no climaxes with hard-to-believe fights in which  ta heroes takes revenge on ta villains.I guess, he is on “Save the Sumos” campaign, which get blasted in climaxes !! 🙂

In ta movie ,Sekhar has critically highlighted that “Corruption” is the root cause for every problem ,an Indian faces.He has done  a brilliant job in projecting the Caste-abuse in our country ,realistically.Scenes with MLAs and ministers portray how corruption is involved in every issue n incident…..be it a project or a bomb blast.There is a crucial scene about a girl’s rape in the movie.It must be a ‘shameful coincidence’ (or the usual routine in India) that a similar incident has happened on the exact date of the film’s release. Go thru ta link  http://ibnlive.in.com/news/raped-dalit-girl-kills-herself-as-cops-let-off-the-accused/110366-3.html

Casting in the movie is just “PERFECT”. Suhasini,Kota Srinivas, Subbaraju (Dhanu) gave living performances in their roles. My favorites would be Kota n Harshavardhan (Ali).Kota gave a flawless performance.He  proved, yet again , to be one of ta most talented n respected actors in ta industry.

I am not gratified with the conclusion,really.I hoped to see a Leader “in action”,but ta movie is abt a journey to become a Leader. My expectations about the film ,were left to the imagination of the audience in ta end. It was like “They lived happily ,ever after” .May be , Sekhar has tried to project the ugly face of  politics as a prologue,  (which is not at least a breaking news !) . So in the end ,whats more to expect with the house full of honest leaders (hah!!  have some hope, people even believe  in flyin saucers !).

I personally believe George Orwell’s line in Animal Farm that ,”Absolute power corrupts absolutely”. Who can give us a  guarantee that the situation would not be reversed? Yet times I ask myself, Comparing to “Yuva” ,What new Ideas did the movie really present? I hardly believe that honesty, ethics n austerity (being age-old ideals) work  in politics. We have a real world example with Lok satta Party,let alone Chiranjeevi.

Rana delivered the best debut performance in recent times.His voice is just “impeccable”.He did a great job  in the scenes, where he speaks with party members and  officials. He wonders us with his modulation in a scene ,where he asks ta heroine for a date.He was good at expressions with rare exceptions.I could rate his expressions as 8/10.

I admire Sekhar’s idea of a Woman.She is independant ,self made n most of all ,clear about love n lust.Richa Gangopadhyay(Archana) has done justice to her role.

One of the best dialogues of the movie would be ,”Today, working honestly is considered as a Sacrifice  ! ”

Mickey J Mayer has come again with  brilliant tracks.Vandemataram and the revisited version(not a remix!!) of Maa telugu talli ki are my favorites. The latter is not just portrayed as some patriotic song.It emphasizes the need of unity in Andhra Pradesh(in that case,the whole country).

Really, One cant help admiring Sekhar’s effort and commitment to make a meaningful cinema. He is a living example of what a Film maker can be and has to be.

Finally, the movie sums up to the fact,”Be the change you want to see in this world – Gandhi “.It draws our attention that only Youth can change the fate of this country(because ,atleast they are not YET  corrupted).Young leaders ,they are the need of the hour.

A classic rivalry.It seems to be the likes of an nth degree polynomial. Lemme try to explain the complex equation.

If u are comparing them one-on-one ,clearly Nadal has the edge 13-7  as of now.
May be because ,strengths of Nadal might be weaknesses for Federer.Nadal doesn’t have the same game against different players.

I dont think dominating one person and one surface is great.Nadal has ‘records’ only on clay court.Say in cricket,no one cares if ishant sharma is able to get Ponting every time.What abt rest of the batsmen in the team?abt other teams in the world?

Out of 6 grandslams nadal won ,Federer was there 5 times to stop him.Nadal is yet to win US open and has “1” wimbledon.Federer has “5” US  opens n “6” Wimbledons already.

Federer made into 23 ‘consecutive’ Grand Slam semi-finals.Common,the man was there in every semifinal for the past 5 years.It shows his consistency and his ability to win against different players in different surfaces and conditions

Ok let me make it simple, the last tournament Nadal was fit was US open 2009(after he took break from wimbledon).He lost to Del potro 6-2,6-2,6-2.Del potro dominated and won Thats not the case with Federer who gave his toughest fight.He came up with every thing he could do for 3–6,7–6,4–6,7–6,6–2.Thats what Federer is,A WARRIOR.

It feels funny trying to justify Federer. To put it in one word,”16 majors”.what else any body needs to compare ?

If some body needs far more comparision, go to wiki,
WORLD records first,
-16 Grand Slam titles
-23 consecutive Grand Slam semi-finals
-10 consecutive Grand Slam finals
-22 Grand Slam finals
-U.S. Open->5 consecutive wins
-Most consecutive weeks at No.1 (237) and current no.1

Other records,
-Career Grand Slam
-Wimbledon->5 consecutive wins.

What does it take for a MAN,to achieve these?

All these statistics seem weird to me too.For a great guitar player,its not about the tension (measured in Newtons) he gives in the strings or the time interval(in sec) between strums or the decibels of claps of the audience.U hear it,u forget urself n the world,u find a deeper meaning,which u cant even explain.

When u watch Federer play,the feeling u get is unexplainable.No one can describe his calm n cool,seem-to-be-effortless n technically-great shots,the FIGHT he puts like a Warrior.U’ve to see it to feel it.

Nadal has the complete potential to be tommorrow’s champion.For today its “Roger Federer”.Period